Finding Hope Through Creativity in Grief

Creativity in grief has been one of the ways I have learned to move through some of the darkest moments of losing my mom. Sometimes that has meant painting, taking photographs, writing, or simply sitting with a sketchbook and making messy little doodles without knowing where they are going. I don’t think creativity takes grief away, but I do think it can give grief somewhere to go.

One night, I was lying in bed feeling particularly depressed about my mom. I didn’t feel like talking to anyone, and I didn’t feel like doing anything productive. I just felt sad, and there wasn’t really anything I could do to change that. So, I picked up my sketchbook and started doodling. I wasn’t trying to make a painting or create something meaningful. I definitely wasn’t thinking about making something that other people would eventually see. I just needed somewhere to put what I was feeling.

That little sketchbook doodle eventually became a painting called Dragonfly Signs. Looking back at it now, I’m reminded of something I have come to believe over and over again: sometimes the most beautiful things can grow from the moments we wish we never had to experience.

Creativity in grief doesn’t have to look beautiful

When we think about creativity, it is easy to put pressure on ourselves to make something good. We might think we need to be talented, have the right supplies, or know exactly what we’re doing before we even begin. But creativity in grief doesn’t have to look polished or beautiful. Sometimes it can be as simple as filling a page with colors, scribbling out your frustrations, writing down a memory, or drawing something that only makes sense to you.

Your sketchbook doesn’t need to become a finished piece of artwork. You don’t have to show anyone what you made, and you don’t even have to like it when you’re finished. There is something freeing about creating without worrying about the outcome. You can let the page hold some of the feelings that feel too complicated to put into words.

I talk more about this on another blog post! Read Make Creativity a Habit and Let Go of Perfectionism

below is another chaotic, random doodle I did in my sketchbook just to give my brain some calm!

The story behind Dragonfly Signs

Dragonfly Signs came from one of those nights when my grief felt especially heavy. I had been thinking about my mom and a dream I had about her. I personally interpret some of the dreams I’ve had about my mom as visits from her, and dragonflies have also become something meaningful to me since she died. They remind me of her and have become one of the ways I notice little signs that make me feel connected to her.

As I was lying in bed that night, I started putting those thoughts onto the page. Words, shapes, stars, windows, dragonflies, and little pieces of the things I was feeling started coming together. I wrote things like, “Visit me in my dreams” and “I’ll see you again.” (lyrics from the song “Signs” by Bloc Party)

I wasn’t sitting there planning the composition or trying to figure out what the painting was supposed to mean. I was simply letting the thoughts come out.

Eventually, those little doodles became a painting. What started as something I made privately during a difficult night became something that captured a very real part of my grief.

below is another dragonfly painting I created while especially missing her.

Art doesn’t have to fix your grief

I don’t believe art magically heals grief. Making this painting didn’t change what happened, and it didn’t make me miss my mom any less. I still wish I could have her here. If I could trade every painting I’ve made about grief for more time with her, I would do it in a heartbeat.

But creating gave some of my sadness somewhere outside of my own head to exist. Instead of keeping every thought, memory, and feeling bottled up inside me, I could put some of it onto a page. Sometimes that was enough to help me breathe a little easier.

Grief doesn’t always need to be solved. Sometimes you just need a way to move through the feeling you’re experiencing in that particular moment. For me, creativity has become one of those ways.

Sometimes you cry.

Sometimes you are angry.

Sometimes you miss someone so badly that you don’t know what to do with yourself.

And sometimes, you pick up a paintbrush.

There Can Be Beauty in Difficult Seasons

One of the things I find most fascinating about creativity is that something beautiful can come from a place that feels anything but beautiful. That doesn’t mean I’m grateful for the pain that created it, or that I think the loss was somehow worth experiencing because it inspired a painting. I would much rather have my mom here than have every piece of art I’ve ever created because of losing her.

Creativity has given me a way to take some of the things that hurt and turn them into something I can see, hold, and understand a little differently. The sadness is still there, but now it has somewhere to live besides inside of me.

Keep Creating Through the Hard Parts

I think that’s ultimately what I hope someone takes away from my experience with creativity and grief. You don’t have to know exactly what you’re feeling, and you don’t have to turn your pain into something profound. Sometimes you can simply pick up a paintbrush, open a sketchbook, take a photo, or make something with your hands and see where it takes you. For me, that process has become one of the ways I continue to remember my mom while also finding my own way forward. Dragonfly Signs was one little moment of that, and it eventually became part of something much bigger.

My Blooming Through Her Collection is a collection of artwork inspired by my mom, my grief, my memories of her, and the process of learning how to carry her with me in a different way. If you’re going through your own difficult season, maybe your next creative project doesn’t need to have a purpose at all. Maybe it can simply be a place to put whatever you’re carrying today.

---

Thanks for reading my love! Remember to stay shining and stay creating! ☀️

sincerely, your artsy friend that is rooting for you-